I grew up in the Methodist Church, the church of my parents and grandparents. I was baptized as an infant, attended Sunday School and church, sang in the children’s and youth choirs, attended sub-district and district events as a teen, went to the local Methodist summer camp, participated in Methodist Youth Fellowship (MYF), and, after studying Methodist history and beliefs, I joined the church at the age of 12. I was taught that Methodists accepted a diverse range of views and welcomed everyone, even though the church was an all-white congregation in a segregated southern town.
I met my husband at Hendrix College, a Methodist college in Arkansas. He and I were married in the Methodist church in which I grew up. In each of the 11 moves we made early in our marriage, the first thing we did was search out a local Methodist church to which we could have our Methodist membership transferred.
In 1968, The Methodist Church merged with the Evangelical United Brethren (EUB) denomination. We remained members of the new denomination, which, with the merger, became the United Methodist Church (UMC).
My three daughters also grew up in United Methodist Sunday Schools and churches. They were baptized as infants in the local United Methodist Church of my parents, their grandparents; they took UM confirmation (membership) classes, professed their faith and joined their local United Methodist Church as pre-teens. They, too, sang in the choirs, attended Sunday School and church, participated in UMYF events, and searched out Methodist churches they could attend when they were far from home. My oldest daughter’s wedding was held in a United Methodist Church.
Faith and worship played major roles in their lives, in their growing up, and in shaping their values and a sense of self. As children, my daughters were taught that church was a place where all were welcome. As adults, however, they discovered that what they learned as children is not as true as they were taught: siblings and friends are not as welcome as they were led to believe as children.
Growing awareness of UM stance
My awareness of the United Methodist Church’s (UMC’s) stance on homosexuality has intensified over the past ten years as I have seen the impact it has had on my daughters. On the one hand, they seem to have a strong loyalty to the United Methodist Church. On the other hand, the UMC has rejected them.
Our middle daughter, a UM minister, could not share the joy of her union ceremony with her parishoners, because to be open with her congregation would mean that she would likely loose her ordination credentials. Today (November 2004), she faces a denominational trial because she realized that keeping her relationships secret distanced her from God. (At the time I was writing my dissertation, I had to omit this information because I didn't want to cause her to loose her credentials)
Our youngest daughter, planning a Civil Union with her partner in Vermont for June, 2002, could not have the ceremony in the church in which she grew up. Neither could she have the ceremony in a UMC in Vermont, nor could she have UM clergy persons, close friends of the family whom she admires and respects, officiate at her ceremony.
Our heterosexual daughter is resentful of the way the Church treats her sisters and others like them. All three of my daughters have become increasingly uncomfortable with the denominational stance. Yet they all continue to retain their United Methodist membership.
Impact of UM Stance led to increased Activism
Through my daughters’ experiences, my awareness of the impact of the UMC’s stance on homosexuality has been heightened, and my focus on it has intensified. As a board member of the Reconciling Ministries Network (RMN) of United Methodists (formerly known as the Reconciling Congregation Program, or RCP) (see Terms and Definitions), I have become aware of a large number of high profile, out GLBT persons of faith within the United Methodist Church. And as I have come to know many high profile, out GLBT UMs, I have become increasingly aware of silent, deeply closeted, and somewhat closeted GLBT UMs. And the more GLBT UMs I have met and come to know and respect, the more I have wondered why they have remained loyal to the United Methodist Church.
As national coordinator of the Parents Reconciling Network (PRN) for United Methodists (see Terms and Definitions), a support network for UM parents and families of GLBT children, I talked with many United Methodist parents of gay, lesbian, and bisexual (GLB) children. (I have had no personal contact with parents of transgendered children, but transgendered parents of GLB children are part of PRN.) As I have talked with these parents, I have become aware of an even larger number of GLBT United Methodists than I had imagined.
Many GLBT UMs
Each parent with whom I speak knows of two, three, four or more families within their local church and/or community who have GLBT children. Some of the parents with whom I’ve talked are clergy, and some are lay. Some of their children are lay, and some are clergy. Some of their clergy children have had to surrender their ordination credentials and/or have had their ability to exercise their ordination credentials limited or terminated because their sexual orientation became known; other clergy children remain closeted and continue to serve churches. Some of the lay and clergy children of these parents have left the United Methodist Church for more welcoming denominations, and others have remained members of the United Methodist Church. Yet many of these GLBT individuals and their families love the UM Church and remain loyal to it, play active roles in their local churches, and do not have any intention of leaving.
Why is this?
What is it that keeps them loyal to and/or affiliated with the UM Church? Why do they continue to love the UMC in spite of the way the denomination treats their children?
At times it seems that most UMs (both lay and clergy) could have GLBT children and/or other family members. In any case, the United Methodist Church as a denomination has a significant number of GLBT members. United Methodist churches appear to be denying or ignoring important information about the families that make up its congregation.
With these things in mind, my questions and curiosity have grown, so much so that I felt both drawn and compelled to research this. Three primary questions stand out in my mind.
In my dissertation research, I tried to answer these questions. Furthermore, through my dissertation, I hope to offer a greater understanding of the role and impact of faith, spirituality, and organized religion on the general well-being of bisexual, lesbian, and gay (BLG) persons. (I also hope this research will spur similar studies with regard to transgendered UMs.) Moreover, I hope that this research and dissertation can provide the groundwork for an increased understanding for and acceptance of the role of gay people in the history and the life of the church for church members, clergy, and in the United Methodist Church as a whole.
Indeed, the United Methodist Church can learn much about being Methodist and being Christian from the examples of its GLBT members.
It’s My Church, Too!
Take the survey -- don’t be voiceless.
Questionnaires Still Being Accepted
Although Dr. Stroud's dissertation has been completed, she is still accepting questionnaires from gay, lesbian, and bisexual United Methodists. At present, she has over 50 questionnaires that arrived too late to be included in her dissertation; these questionnaires, along with any others that may be submitted, will be integrated into Stroud's research findings for publication in book form at a later date. If you have not participated in this research and would like to complete a questionnaire now, please follow the link below.
My own journey